


The Worm

by PseudoTwili



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: Gen, Humor, Link is a naughty boy, an irate princess, and a queer form of punishment, involving a worm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2020-10-13 20:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20588585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PseudoTwili/pseuds/PseudoTwili
Summary: In which the hero learns that worms should not be left in any proximity to the princess.





	The Worm

The mail-clad knight peered around the corner slowly. So far so good. No one had seen him; as far as the other guards and anyone else was concerned, he was still in the courtyard having a ferocious battle with forty winks. He'd have to return there a bit later and retrieve his tunic and cloak from the sparring dummy he set up under that tree. He chuckled to himself as he pussy-footed his way through the passage that finally led him to the throne room, his stockings absorbing any sound of his footsteps.

"Ha! Empty! I knew those lazy excuses for soldiers wouldn't be guarding this area if she isn't here yet. I'll berate them later. For now it suits my purposes perfectly!"

He trod upon the new carpet that the workers had just yesterday finished installing, his feet leaving definitive imprints. Glancing to the ceiling he let out a brief, almost nervous whistle. He needed to finish his mission quickly and retire before anyone might see him. His legs swallowed the two short sets of stairs in that many seconds and he approached the throne. The expression on his face could only be considered as wickedly mischievous.

"Now where did I put it?" he muttered to himself. "I couldn't have forgotten it after all that trouble… Ah!"

As he fished around in his second pouch he located the bottle with something that wriggled and jiggled inside it. He removed its cork with a noise that resounded through the empty room like the sound of so much popcorn, and he emptied its contents onto the red seat of the throne.

"That ought to do it. Now you just wait here and don't go wandering off." The worm hardly moved a fraction of an inch. "I'd better get out of here."

He stole away again, returning whence he came and leaving naught but his footprints and that other thing.

About an hour later he was once more in the throne room, but this time he wore his finest armor and red cloak. He stood underneath the statue, the proper distance from the princess. He continually cast surreptitious little glances in her direction as she stood at the peak of the steps and received her visitors. He was unable to see the part of the great throne that interested him, but he was reasonably sure that the worm was still there. It had wriggled to the floor earlier but he'd carefully replaced it as he had moved toward his post.

After the regal young woman held out her hand to each of the nobles and leaders they dropped back a distance while she drew back to the throne as the guards made their double lines before her. Nearby, the knight in red and gold stopped breathing as she seated herself. He saw her face go quite pale, her mouth open to cry out, which was quickly stifled by a gloved hand, and a disgusted look cross her features that not even she could immediately quell. It took every ounce of self-control and training he possessed not to let the laugh that burbled within him to escape his firmly closed lips.

Hastily and without garnering any undue attention, the princess beckoned to one of her personal servants who waited behind the throne for her call. Responding to her summons was a maid younger than herself, who appeared equally nauseated at the sight; worse yet, she had to carry the slimy little thing away. Afterwards she washed her hands a dozen times and still felt like she was touching worms again. Even with it gone the princess called the audience to an end much sooner than she'd ever been known to do and retreated to her quarters.

A couple of hours later she sent word for her knight captain. He chuckled to himself and grinned broadly in an attempt to hide the trepidation he suddenly felt. Again clothed in his traditional green tunic, he strode the halls with a step that faltered as he drew nearer the princess' study. His last recourse was the extraordinarily slim hope that no one would respond to his tap upon the door.

"Enter."

His heart dropped to his boots. There was no way to get out of it now. He was really in for it. He turned the knob and barely poked himself into the room. Her hair in a loose brown braid that reached her waist, the princess stood before the great eastern window. A slight breeze entered the aperture, playing carelessly with the shorter strands of hair about her face and neck. She remained with her back facing him.

He gulped. "Y-Your Highness?"

"Come inside," she said, her voice even and deceptively unruffled. She did not move from her position. "Close the door."

The heavy closure made him wince, its sound much like the door of a dungeon slamming behind him. He tried to tell himself that he was overreacting but it didn't help to alleviate his jumpy apprehension. He could not figure out whether to let his arms hang limply or to fold one hand over his chest; he finally decided on the latter, followed by a slight bow of the head. Running his tongue all over the inside of his mouth did nothing to assuage the terrible dryness that persisted therein. He could no more speak a word than he could forget the little imp who had commandeered his fur-covered back.

He lifted his head slightly and fixed his eyes on her, her back still to him. Her bare hands were folded together in front of her, yet he could not see how they were clenched. She held herself with the customary poise and grace and he glimpsed the slight rise and fall of her perfectly erect shoulders with every breath she took. Why did she not say anything? He wished she would shout at him and get it over with.

"I made you a knight and chose you to be the captain of my guards," she said at last, the calmness of her voice sending shivers down the spine of the man who trembled behind her. "While that position comes with the duty of ensuring my complete safety…" She turned around, the cold, ocean depths of her eyes reducing him to jelly. "…It does not include leaving things on the places I sit!"

The man's heart, formerly in proximity to his soles, found a new place lodged in his throat. He only kept her gaze because the very intensity of her eyes compelled him. Her expression was as stiff as if she'd been frozen, except for the frigid flame of her eyes and the thin line of her mouth which was severely turned down at both corners.

"I will allow you thirty seconds to give me an explanation for your actions."

He opened his mouth, only to snap it shut again. Trying again ended with the same result. Whether it was the throbbing in his throat or the feeling that he was once again a five-year-old child called to confess to a naughty deed, he couldn't tell her anything. Claiming that he wanted to liven the place up or get some sort of reaction from her would probably be worse than silence. He was past wishing he'd never thought of the stupidly insane idea; he only desired that the floor would claim him. He lowered his head and eyes as if waiting for a blow.

"Very well, then." She blinked for the first time since she'd turned her face. "You will go directly to the garden and turn up the soil until you've found five dozen worms. You will place them in a box, cover it securely and have a page bring it to me. Then you may continue your duties until I summon you again."

He nodded numbly, wondering what horrors she was planning for him. Why would she want sixty worms when just one made her shudder and blanch?

"Y-yes, Y-Your Highness."

"You may go."

He bowed and exited the room, pausing in the corridor to lean one hand against the wall and wipe his brow. The outdoor air did little to ease his concern as he borrowed a shovel and started digging. He was glad he hadn't eaten in the past few hours, for imagining what the princess planned to do with the worms was far from appetizing. He considered only following through with a few of the boneless little creatures and give the excuse that he could find no more, but quickly realized that wouldn't work, as he often mentioned his fishing excursions to the princess.

Finally locating the final worm well after the glow of dusk faded from the land, the green knight covered the box securely and dropped it into the hands of the first page boy he saw. He retired to the garrison and tried to get in some evening sword practice. He hardly slept that night and when he did his dreams were filled with a pair of cold blue eyes and thousands upon thousands of worms. At four o'clock in the morning he woke and found himself on the floor, squirming as he tried to desperately brush off the imaginary wriggling creatures.

The freshly born morn raised her pale arms and saw him with dark circles around his eyes and the same nervous clenching of his stomach. The performance of his duties that day was sadly not up to his usual standards, as evidenced by his blunders in attempting to set up training sessions in the kitchen gardens and ordering two of the newbies to stand guard outside the servants' quarters instead of relieving those at the princess' door. There was hardly a moment in which he was not thinking, fretting and getting himself so twisted up in knots that he would have put the very worst of hair snarls to shame.

The princess officially saw no one that day, news which, when it reached the knight captain's ears caused him to stutter a reply and worry still further about what sort of horrific punishment she was hatching. Then, the next morning, as soon as her empty breakfast tray had descended the stairs in a pair of gnarled hands, she again summoned the man in green.

"Here it comes…" he muttered to himself as he wobbled his way to her door, unable to calm his rasping breath.

Standing a few feet before her elaborately detailed desk, his eyes seemed so heavy that he was unable to raise them from the carpet. The princess rose from her chair and came around the side of the piece of furniture. She wore her gloves even though she usually removed them when in the company of those to whom she was closest. While her eyes still burned with ire, she also possessed therein a look of subdued amusement.

"I trust you have been thinking a lot these past thirty-six hours?"

"Y-yeth…" He wanted to bite off his tongue. "…Your Highness."

"And you will never, ever bring a worm or anything remotely related to it anywhere within my sight."

"I promise! I'll never do it again."

"Very well. I accept your word and will hold you to it."

Just as he was wondering if he dared breathe again, something small and slightly moist struck his head. Startled, he raised his eyes and with a shiver of revulsion he saw a long worm dangling from his hair to just above his nose. Uncrossing his eyes and focusing on the princess, he noted that she stood with both gloved hands held slightly away from her body; her mouth was as firmly set as always but her cold blue eyes were chuckling. Truly, he'd never try to pull such a prank again.

~O~

Half an hour later the princess called for her maids and instructed them to give her small sitting room a meticulously exhaustive cleaning. She bade them remove the bust of a despised ancestor to the library and to dispose in any way they saw fit the many half-dead worms on the floor around it. The gloves she had peeled off never saw her again.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a result of goofing around the empty throne room before triggering the cutscene with Ganondorf. I just happened to have a worm with me and thought it would be fun to let it out on the throne. Regardless of the fact that the throne had no collision at that point, I began imagining right then what might happen if Link really did put a worm on Zelda's throne. Unfortunately, it was getting late when the idea occurred to me and thus I did not quite get it published in time for Twilight Princess' tenth birthday. Better one day late than never, right?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this goofy tale!


End file.
